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What you think may be harmless, humble self-deprecation may actually be harmful and hugely limiting. From Austin, Texas, let’s stop claiming incompetence.
We all make mistakes. Sometimes big, embarrassing ones, privately or in front of others. At such moments, you have three choices: Dismiss it, like it didn’t happen or matter. Blame someone else. Or, accept responsibility, which is the right thing to do. However, there’s a big difference between acknowledging a shortcoming and identifying with it.
Have you ever said something like: Oh, I’m terrible at that, I have no sense of direction, I am an awful cook, I always do this, or I’m so stupid? Once you fully grasp the power of words, you will realize the destructive harm of such reflexive language.
When you make such a claim, to yourself or to others, you are reinforcing patterns you don’t want, literally writing code in your brain to expect and execute more of the same. So please notice when that happens, stop doing it, and replace those words with a better response. Here are two options.
I once heard an interview with a famous golf coach who was asked what we should say to ourselves after a bad shot. His answer: “That’s not like me.” Instead of frustration or self abuse, write the counter-code: That’s not what I identify with, and I expect better.
But you can’t just think your way to success and we do have significant gaps of understanding or ability. So, the second strategic statement: “I have so much to learn about that.” Fill in the blank. Where we have the biggest gaps we also have the greatest opportunities, and progress comes quickly to earnest beginners.
Life moves fast, but we have, God willing, a lot of years left. Do you want the rest of your story to be one of reinforcing past failures, limits, and frustrations? Or, do you want an ever expanding grasp of life’s wonders, joys, and mysteries. Sign me up for the latter. Until next week, stay Off Balance On Purpose.
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