Too often, we treat conversations like a tennis match—you say something and I immediately volley back my best shot. This might result in making wrong assumptions, competing for importance, or missing opportunities. Follow these sure-fire approaches to elevate your conversation game.

1. Tell me more. When you hear something interesting or sense someone’s passion, keep them talking by saying, “Tell me more about that.” Or, “Can you talk more about that?” Then genuinely listen.

2. What does that mean to you?  Instead of assuming you know what they mean by what they say, ask specifically.

3. Empathic questions. Go beyond hearing the words to imagine their personal experience. Then ask questions from that perspective, “Did that make you feel (fill in the blank)?” or “Were thinking this when that happened?” When you accurately name what they think or feel, you connect heart to heart, instead of mind to mind.

4. Paraphrase. Reflect back or summarize what they said in your own words. This shows you’re listening and gives them a chance to clarify.

5. Positive body language. Make eye contact and use non-verbals like head nods and leaning in to show you’re interested and make them feel comfortable.

The more you let them lead, the faster you connect and the more interesting they’ll find you. So instead of listening to talk, listen to learn, confirm, and understand. The word I listen for is “exactly,” meaning you totally get it and get them. Until next week, stay Off Balance On Purpose.