How can you explore diverse opinions without causing conflict? This week’s video will help you learn and connect while “standing up” with truth, care, and compassion.

How do you speak your mind without making enemies? We’re in Milwaukee, WI, teaching Stand Up Comity.

Your life is an example of what you value, and your perspective is a slice of truth distilled from your experiences. You’ve seen things beautiful and tragic, excellent and incompetent, noble and truly wicked. How capable are you of sharing your truth, even in the face of opposition?

The key to these conversations, I’ve found, is stand up comity. Not comedy, which often comes at someone else’s expense, or oversimplifies issues for absurdity. Comity, means “courtesy or considerate behavior toward others.” Now I know what you’re thinking. “Dan, courtesy and consideration? That’s so old fashioned! Today, you have to be obnoxious to get your point across.”

You’ve been asked to choose between silence and outrage. But there’s a third door which, once unlocked offers learning and human connection. You can stand up for truth, as you see it, while incorporating the ideas and experiences of others. Practice this process.

1. Ask why. First, ask others why they behave or believe as they do. Listen carefully, so you can then…

2. Restate what you heard. Reflect back what they said in your own words. Make sure you got it, and don’t move on until they agree you do. Thank them for sharing, and then ask

3. Have you considered?  Do you know about these facts? Are you aware there’s another side to the conversation? You’ve earned the right to share, because you first listened to and heard them. Then,

4. Confirm understanding. Ask “does that make sense?” Maybe have them restate what you said, as you already modeled. This slows down the exchange, diffuses tension, and deepens learning and connection on both sides.

From here, you might repeat the process, seek to blend perspectives, or disengage. People don’t change positions easily, but once ideas are presented with Stand Up Comity, they and you, may rethink things. It’s not easy, but isn’t it better than keeping your truth to yourself? Until next week, stay Off Balance On Purpose.